QUOTES
"The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist." -Russel Baker
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire." - Anonymous
"Thanks to the interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything." -Charles Kuralt
"Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time." -Steven Wright
"You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." -Yogi Berra
JOKES
A Snobbish Tourist...
A snobbish tourist was visiting a small Australian village when he noticed a local man wearing an ornate necklace that featured 10 alligator teeth. He approached the man and in a condescending manner said, "Goodness, what a fancy necklace! I guess you people must value alligator teeth the same way my people value pearls." The man replied, "Well, anyone can open up an oyster."
Trains and Planes...A large two engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power. Farther on down the line, the second engine broke down, and the train slowed to a dead stop. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."
Relaxing Weekends...
Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: "Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."
To My Loving Wife...
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
(P.S. Sure is hot down here!)
